Given the fact that Salman Khan's fans will pay money to watch a three-hour home video

Given the fact that Salman Khan's fans will pay money to watch a three-hour home video of the actor taking a nap, how you wish he'd exercise his influence and popularity to get good movies made. 'Bodyguard', his latest, is another lazy remake (of a Malayalam film) that banks squarely on the actor's considerable charm to make up for its archaic plot, sluggish pace, and puerile humour.

When a wealthy zamindar learns that bad guys are after his daughter so they can settle scores with him, he seeks professional protection for her. Luckily for him, Lovely Singh is available, having just completed an assignment protecting movie star Katrina Kaif from over-enthusiastic fans at a live concert. Salman Khan, of course, stars as Lovely Singh, an earnest and brave bodyguard who wears permanently tight clothes and shades, a Bluetooth headset clipped to his ear. Don't be fooled by his delicate name; Lovely Singh has rock-hard abs, and he can overpower a dozen baddies at once. Divya (played by Kareena Kapoor) is the young lady he's been hired to protect, and Lovely takes his job seriously. Tired of being followed around everywhere, including the ladies loo, Divya hatches a harebrained plan that involves disguising her voice and calling him up repeatedly as an anonymous admirer so he becomes too preoccupied to keep an eye on her.

Since recent hits like 'Wanted', 'Dabangg' and Ready have reiterated the futility of applying logic to Salman Khan starrers, we'll overlook even gaping plot holes in the name of 'mindless entertainment'. But Bodyguard suffers from that most fatal flaw that's unforgivable in the final reckoning - it's boring! Montage after montage of Lovely Singh becoming smitten by his anonymous caller will drive you up the wall. Ready may have been a far lazier and offensive film, but lethargic pace wasn't one of its problems.

Much of the reason for the film feeling slow has to do with its unduly stretched comic track involving a cretinous, over-weight oaf named Tsunami Singh (played by Rajat Rawail), whose crude misadventures include entering a girls campus dressed in drag, where he's beaten and virtually stripped. Director Siddique gives this supporting character way too much screen time although the gags are painfully stupid. There are other jokes too - at the expense of fat people, a midget, and a gay student, but I suppose it's no point bringing those up, seein read more